Ripping without Frustration

My crochet work took on a different level of meditation this past week when I cast on a wrap of Rowan Chunky Print yarn while in the waiting area of the University of Washington surgery center. I used the largest hook in my possession and a Japanese pattern to divert my attention from what was impending. A couple of weeks earlier, on the day that my computer died, my radiologist called and said that the stereotactic biopsy showed an atypical condition that required that it be explored further through surgery. The entire questionable area was to be removed along with its margins. This news came as such a surprise since I had thought a few days earlier that I was told that both of my biopsies (I had a sonogram guided one too) were benign, but in fact I was only informed about the sonogram one. So right when I really needed to research as much as I could my computer would not respond. Thankfully I had bought a computer for my daughter, which I'm using now. I was told to schedule the surgery and asked which doctor I wanted to see. I had no idea. Fortunately they scheduled me with the director of the Women's Health Center at the SCCA. I am still shocked at my luck in slipping into the best care in the region. Last summer we went to a great informational presentation from various researchers from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center about their latest research. The researcher for breast cancer mentioned that she would highly recommend having routine mammograms at the SCCA since they have the best diagnostics in the region. I didn't know that you could go there for routine mammograms but I did know their reputation for excellence. So I went there for my regular mammo and they found a mass and increased calcifications from previous mammos and recommended the two types of biopsies. Those were not too much fun. I've tried to learn as much as possible to be an informed patient. Okay, so back to the waiting area before surgery... earlier that morning I had my wire localization and mentioned that I was allergic to adhesives yet they taped me up anyway and said that the tape wouldn't be on for very long before my surgery. But when I arrived at UWMC they said that my surgery was not at 10:30 as originally scheduled but at 2:00 pm. As I settled in with the thought of hours in the waiting area my chest began to burn and itch and I became very hot for the state of inflammation from the tape. To try to enter into a calming state I worked on my crochet and made great progress over the hours in that spot. But just as I was about to rip off my shirt and tape right then and there in the waiting area I was called back to the pre-surgery area and asked to have the tape removed immediately. It's not great to be in a state of agitation before surgery. But my crochet came to my rescue after the tape was removed and helped to calm me with chains and double crochet stitches. It didn't matter whatsoever that I would discover errors in my pattern and I would have to rip back to redo because I had lots of time to waste away. I only had one ball of yarn and I made the most of it, ripping and redoing many times without frustration. Ordinarily I would be mad at myself for making mistakes and having to correct them, but not that day. I welcomed the mistakes and the opportunity to create more stitches with the limited yarn that I brought with me. A nurse asked if I were crocheting for a last minute gift or to divert my mind away from surgery. Yes, I was selfish and was doing it solely for my own needs. Ultimately I ran out of yarn and had to stop, but by that time it was close to surgery time, fortunately. So now I'm just trying to work off the effects of anesthesia. I was told by a nurse that at my age it could take up to a week to wear off. And I'm waiting. Waiting for the pathology report. I know it will be good news so I'm not too stressed out. But I have to acknowledge that sense of fright that mingles amongst the thoughts. I'm just glad that the surgery is over. My crochet wrap turned out beautifully even though I had to modify the pattern since I ran out of yarn. I used a large mother of pearl button for the closure that is the perfect color to go with the yarn. I can't post photos since my computer is dead and my daughter wouldn't appreciate me uploading photos onto her computer. More on this drama later.